I'm a tad on the down side as they say... Do note I was supposed to post this yesterday but I couldn't be bothered in all honesty...

Dreams are a wonderful thing... Especially for life... We all dream of doing something or being somewhere in the future...

I guess I'm being a bit harsh upon myself and I guess it is to the fact I can't face reality properly...

Life sucks... Basically... All my future plans have taken a sucide dive out the window...

List of Dreams for the Future:

Actor - I would have loved this but... I can easily act no problem I'm told I'm good at it yet I doubt my own ability

Writter - This is a W.I.P always going to be there slowly but surely I will keep trying at this

Band - It was a great idea me and the guys doing one thing we like the most...

Wrestler - Ok this was a childhood dream cause I love wrestling but realisticly I havn't the strength or Physique or health to take this up...

Why are these dead now? Work thats why... As soon as I leave college I'm gonna be in full time Employment... Sure the money will be nice minus the Tax cuts but where will my life go?

The answer is nowhere... I'll be in the same place untill I'm either fired or I move away and get a differnt job... It sucks... Reality is a bastard and I will gladly slap it with a haddock...

And onto the title of this journal... a few things come to mind songs for thought

'Tired of being what you want me to be, Feeling so faithless lost under the surface' - Numb - Linkin Park...
Actually more than that reflects how I feel... I am sick and tired of being told what to do... I can never be myself in all honesty and in all honesty all the people who know me close still don't know 'Me'

Who is the real me... I portray myself to the rest of the world as a evil loving master of darkness... That my friends is a shell of who I am... I can be the kindest person on this death ball we call Earth... I have so much to shair yet I constantly conseal it within cause there is no place for it on this plain...

'I'm just a dreamer, I dream my life away' Dreamer - Ozzy Osbourne
Yes indeed I do... and look where its got me... No wher... Little harsh and I know its not true but its the negativity talking... Moving on

'Been around this world so many times if you could only see my mind, I watch my secret Heaven turn to Hell' - Running out of Time - Ozzy Osbourne
I say I love Hell rather than Heaven... In concept to what I use it for that is true but the term of heaven is meant to be a ultimate paridise where as Hell is all your nightmares come ture... Which is right now welcome to Earth Ree... In a sence most of that song is another reflect on how I feel...

'A catch in my throat, Choke, torn into pieces I won't No I don't want to be this' Vermillion Part 2 - Slipknot... When I'm pissed off which I'm not this line is possibly the only thing that gives me back my sence of reason...

There are a bunch of other songs that I could think of that I can't focus on right now so I'll leave it at that...

As with my life it is all fucked up... My Step dad has moved out yet he wants the house back so he can be with his precious dog and his greenhouse... So my mom is moving to a flat... I'm gonna be staying here for a few reasons... 1 my Internet is here... 2 I have more money from papers and 3 I'm closer to my friends...

Life is the hardest game to play... There is no pause and no reset and there is no chance in hell of using cheats to get though it... its a long and dark game that gets worse thanks to reality... I wish to loive long... die an old man and have more than just my DNA left behind... I see more to what is... I want more than what is... Yet continuasly it is the one desier I am denied...